MIDIbox has been a big deal to me, for a long time. While Iâ€™ve built a few MIDIbox projects over the years, I always wanted to be a bigger contributor, and there has always been something in my life to stop me.
Over the past few years my marriage has taken a big shit all over my life. I find myself with great ideas, only unable to fully realize them because of the amount of trouble in my life, particularly because I just couldnâ€™t seem to get along with my wife.
I am not suggesting for a moment that MIDIboxing should be more important to anybody than the sacred institution of marriage, but â€¦ sometimes people will find that their creative life is being stifled by forces like an ill-chosen partner. Such is the case with me.
I donâ€™t want to go too far into the gorey details here., other than to say that I have been very hot and cold with the MIDIbox community for the past 4 years or so. What I have done has been with the very best of intentions: I have organized multiple bulk orders and I have contributed interesting designs and ideas. But it is difficult to properly see these things to full fruition when your emotions are forever being tugged by external forces.
Iâ€™m telling you now, with mixed emotions, that about two months ago my wife and I finally separated. While this is a sad time in my life for obvious reasons, it is also very liberating. Finally I can tell the truth: the reason why I was often hard to reach, and I was sometimes (very) late in delivering on stuff that I promised, is that I have been completely consumed by marital breakdown.
Sometimes it took me a very long time to ship things like knobs, after having made deals in good faith. While I have long since straightened everything around with everybody who may have ever had issues, I never really offered any good explanation other than â€œpersonal issuesâ€.
Well today I am glad to announce freely that I have no more personal issues. I finally left her about 2 months ago, and I am no longer looking back. It will still take a bit longer before I achieve the participation level I always wanted with the MIDIbox community, and my own DIY projects, I am finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. I will finally have the time to devote to these things without judgement or undue punishment.
I really donâ€™t want to sound like I have chosen MIDIbox over marriage. Rather, I have chosen not to be unreasonably judged with no basis or standards, by an individual with no right to do so. This encompasses not only my â€œSynth DIYâ€ activities, but also the artistic rationale that allows me to freely create.
Without trying to explain everything that has gone wrong in my life, I am offering a sincere apology to all those who unnecessarily waited months for a few knobs, and to those who have received my (attemptedly constructive) critiques on their concepts and designs without detailed followups.
I have lots to offer this amazing community, and I am saddened that the value of my verbage has been continuously compromised by my scarcity. Little by little I will be returning in the months to come. Once I get my new home and new workshop in order, I hope to be able to participate with more regularity and loyalty than I ever have.
In other news, my stage name is no longer â€œnebulaâ€. I have recently been working with a Canadian label who will be releasing some of my music under my actual given name: Steve Cowan. Iâ€™ll keep nebula for forums and maybe later as a musical alter-ego, but Iâ€™m excited to finally have an opportunity to get my music out to a larger audience, under any name. (FYI: when I join forums and find that â€œnebulaâ€ is already taken, Iâ€™ve been registering as â€œinfindebulaâ€.)
I have also started a blog site to publicize the efforts of myself and other nearby artists. Have a look at juggernautmusic.com to see what weâ€™ve been up to. The site is active now, but will officially â€œlaunchâ€ sometime over the next few months.
Thanks for listening, my fellow MIDIboxers. Iâ€™ve always enjoyed being a part of this community, and I canâ€™t wait to play a bigger part in the years to come.