MIDIbox has been a big deal to me, for a long time. While I’ve built a few MIDIbox projects over the years, I always wanted to be a bigger contributor, and there has always been something in my life to stop me.

Over the past few years my marriage has taken a big shit all over my life. I find myself with great ideas, only unable to fully realize them because of the amount of trouble in my life, particularly because I just couldn’t seem to get along with my wife.

I am not suggesting for a moment that MIDIboxing should be more important to anybody than the sacred institution of marriage, but … sometimes people will find that their creative life is being stifled by forces like an ill-chosen partner. Such is the case with me.

I don’t want to go too far into the gorey details here., other than to say that I have been very hot and cold with the MIDIbox community for the past 4 years or so. What I have done has been with the very best of intentions: I have organized multiple bulk orders and I have contributed interesting designs and ideas. But it is difficult to properly see these things to full fruition when your emotions are forever being tugged by external forces.

I’m telling you now, with mixed emotions, that about two months ago my wife and I finally separated. While this is a sad time in my life for obvious reasons, it is also very liberating. Finally I can tell the truth: the reason why I was often hard to reach, and I was sometimes (very) late in delivering on stuff that I promised, is that I have been completely consumed by marital breakdown.

Sometimes it took me a very long time to ship things like knobs, after having made deals in good faith. While I have long since straightened everything around with everybody who may have ever had issues, I never really offered any good explanation other than “personal issuesâ€.

Well today I am glad to announce freely that I have no more personal issues. I finally left her about 2 months ago, and I am no longer looking back. It will still take a bit longer before I achieve the participation level I always wanted with the MIDIbox community, and my own DIY projects, I am finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. I will finally have the time to devote to these things without judgement or undue punishment.

I really don’t want to sound like I have chosen MIDIbox over marriage. Rather, I have chosen not to be unreasonably judged with no basis or standards, by an individual with no right to do so. This encompasses not only my “Synth DIY†activities, but also the artistic rationale that allows me to freely create.

Without trying to explain everything that has gone wrong in my life, I am offering a sincere apology to all those who unnecessarily waited months for a few knobs, and to those who have received my (attemptedly constructive) critiques on their concepts and designs without detailed followups.

I have lots to offer this amazing community, and I am saddened that the value of my verbage has been continuously compromised by my scarcity. Little by little I will be returning in the months to come. Once I get my new home and new workshop in order, I hope to be able to participate with more regularity and loyalty than I ever have.

In other news, my stage name is no longer “nebulaâ€. I have recently been working with a Canadian label who will be releasing some of my music under my actual given name: Steve Cowan. I’ll keep nebula for forums and maybe later as a musical alter-ego, but I’m excited to finally have an opportunity to get my music out to a larger audience, under any name. (FYI: when I join forums and find that “nebula†is already taken, I’ve been registering as “infindebulaâ€.)

I have also started a blog site to publicize the efforts of myself and other nearby artists. Have a look at juggernautmusic.com to see what we’ve been up to. The site is active now, but will officially “launch†sometime over the next few months.

Thanks for listening, my fellow MIDIboxers. I’ve always enjoyed being a part of this community, and I can’t wait to play a bigger part in the years to come.