Doctors slang is a dying art...

[Artesia]

very, very random & totally off topic.. tho too damn funny to not repeat everywhere:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3159813.stm

Doctor slang is a dying art

Surgeons

Is doctor slang on the wane?

The inventive language created by doctors the world over to insult their patients - or each other - is in danger of becoming extinct.

So says a doctor who has spent four years charting more than 200 colourful examples.

Medicine is a profession already overflowing with acronyms and technical terms, and doctors over the years have invented plenty of their own.

However, Dr Adam Fox, who works at St Mary's Hospital in London as a specialist registrar in its child allergy unit, says that far fewer doctors now annotate notes with abbreviations designed to spell out the unsayable truth about their patients.

TOP MEDICAL ABBREVIATIONS

CTD - Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon)

GLM - Good looking Mum

GPO - Good for Parts Only

TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy

UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury

The increasing rate of litigation means that there is a far higher chance that doctors will be asked in court to explain the exact meaning of NFN (Normal for Norfolk), FLK (Funny looking kid) or GROLIES (Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt).

Dr Fox recounts the tale of one doctor who had scribbled TTFO - an expletive expression roughly translated as "Told To Go Away" - on a patient's notes.

He told BBC News Online: "This guy was asked by the judge what the acronym meant, and luckily for him he had the presence of mind to say: 'To take fluids orally'."

Quaint up North

Regional dialects abound, even in the world of the medical abbreviation.

In the north of England, the TTR (Tea Time Review) of a patient is commonplace, but not in the south.

And the number of terms for patients believed to be somewhat intellectually challenged is enormous.

Patient

"I can't believe what he just called me..."

From LOBNH (Lights On But Nobody Home), CNS-QNS (Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient), to the delightful term "pumpkin positive", which refers to the implication that a penlight shone into the patient's mouth would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up.

Regular visitors to A&E on a Friday or Saturday night are also classified.

DBI refers to "Dirt Bag Index", and multiplies the number of tattoos with the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.

A PFO refers to a drunken patient who sustained injury falling over, while a PGT "Got Thumped" instead.

MEDICAL TERMS - A GLOSSARY

Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery

Departure lounge - geriatric ward

Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag

Woolworth's Test - Anaesthetic term (if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic)

This is an international language - Dr Fox's research reveals that a PIMBA in Brazil can be translated as a "swollen-footed, drunk, run-over beggar".

Doctor insult

And much of the slang is directed at colleagues rather than patients.

Thus rheumatology, considered by hard-pressed juniors one of the less busy specialties, becomes "rheumaholiday", the "Freud Squad" are psychiatrists, and "Gassers" and "Slashers" are anaesthetists and general surgeons respectively.

Dr Fox is keen to point out that neither he, nor the other names of the paper, published in the journal Ethics and Behavior, actually advocate using any of the terms.

He said: "It's a form of communication, and it needs to be recorded.

"It may not be around forever."

He said: "I do think that doctors are genuinely more respectful of their patients these days."

If that is the case, perhaps the delights of a "Whopper with Cheese", "Handbag positive" or "Coffin dodger" could be lost forever.

[stryd_one]

Hmm.... I don't like that. It's hard enough being a chronic illness sufferer without the million doctors you have to see making fun of you behind your back. Makes me wonder what the nurse who gave me an enema and the doctor with the camera up my bum wrote on my file. Would you like the doctor to refer to your pregnant sister as a GLM? Etc.

A few relevant strydisms:

If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it.

If you wouldn't say it out loud, don't think it.

A secret is just a lie you didn't tell.

At least if they said it to me, we could all have a laugh.

[Artesia]

i didnt say i sided with or against them ;)

i just find it really amusing in a observational fashion; that such a deviance managed to spread amongst such a profession & that a particular language developed around it.

sadly the reality of it is that pretty much everywhere one group of people will have in jokes & stereotypes about another.. which is just everyday life for you frankly. it was only a matter of time before a profession that spends so much time writing about people, would get rumbled with ink to paper.

[Doug Wellington]

I almost went to med school, I have worked in a couple hospitals, and my mother-in-law is a nurse.  At the same time, I have fairly severe osteo-arthritis, and it has been suggested that I may have fibromyalgia, so I see both sides of this...

There is a lot of what could be called "dark" humour in the medical environment.  IMHO, the important thing to understand is that most of it is a coping mechanism.  When you are surrounded by sick and dying people, *people that you care for and get attached to*, it is easy to get depressed.  When you deal with a terminal patient, or when you see a battered woman for the tenth time, it is *HEART BREAKING*.  As much as one may wish to remain aloof and detached, we are human, and we are dramatically affected by those around us, especially those who suffer!

This "slang" may seem callous, but it gives a connection between care-givers.  Having this connection is a huge help in surviving the day to day ups and downs!  Just knowing that someone else feels as you do, and understands, is supportive and reassuring.

Please don't judge health care professionals unless you have been one...

P.S. Stryd, while I know how to hold my tongue, I've never been able to stop myself from thinking things.  Can you suggest how I might stop myself from thinking things, without drugs...?

[Goblinz]

P.S. Stryd, while I know how to hold my tongue, I've never been able to stop myself from thinking things.  Can you suggest how I might stop myself from thinking things, without drugs...?

If the drugs are stopping you from thinking things then you should try new ones!  :P

[stryd_one]

Coping good. Coping at the expense of others bad. That's why they should share the jokes with the patients ;)

My sister is a midwife and I've done a lot of care of aged and drug-effected people (and animals too), so I do know where you're coming from, and I agree. Better the doctor makes a joke about me, than loses the plot and can't save lives.

How to stop from thinking things you'd rather not think? Same as most troubleshooting issues - treat the source ;) Don't slap the thoughts down as being bad and discard them as junk, accept them as something which you, despite being a totally nice dude and all that, did, and analyse why.... If you ever manage to wipe them all out, while you're there, can you tell God to get me some more sex drugs and rock n roll? ;D

[Doug Wellington]

If you wouldn't say it out loud, don't think it.

How would I decide not to say something out loud unless I thought it first?

How to stop from thinking things you'd rather not think? Same as most troubleshooting issues - treat the source

Yeah, well, that's what I mean.  Can't stop originating thoughts without turning off the brain with drugs.

Now, *holding on to thoughts* - that's a whole different topic!

;D

[stryd_one]

The intention is "correction" not "avoidance". As in, you think it first, then think "That's no good, I wouldn't say that out loud", THEN retrain yourself not to think it. Everyone makes mistakes. Making them repeatedly is lazy ;)

[Artesia]

exactly doug, hit the nail on the head :)

iv'e hardly had a good run of luck with my heath either & a screwed up state of affairs has in some respects denyed me things that others may tend to take for granted in their lifes; but i dont make too much of it :)

[/tilted/]

I think it's likely that the term a doctor uses to describe you would be largely based on how much of a prick you are to them, or how you present yourself to them.

For example, if you turn up stinking of booze, they'll probably be less sympathetic toward you than normal.

Whether you are a chronic disease suffererer or not, I dare say that a civil tongue on the part of the patient will spare you from many of these jibes. Unfortunately medical practitioners tend to see people when they are at their worst (or at least, their whiniest...) I think it's only natural for a doc to throw around the odd acronym if someone gives them the shits.

This doesn't excuse terms like "GLM", or the DBI... These are assumptions and stereotypes.

However, much as it might offend, I think DW is dead-on with the coping mechanism description.

I like some of them, I think the TEETH one is pretty good, and "handbag positive"...

[stickey01]

I think their slang is not that bad. Maybe it's just the best way they have to remember you. They can't memorize names of all their patients. Can they?

:) ;) :)