The English Language.

[stryd_one]

I was sent this in an email from a friend... Those of you who do not speak English as your first language, this is for you :D

 

You Think English is Easy???

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to

present the present . 

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in

eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find

that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig

is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't

groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't

the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but

not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all

but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats

vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the

English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally

insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a

recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and

feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and

a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a

language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you

fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by

going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the

creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visib le, but when the

lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps

has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the

list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a

meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the

officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a

report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP

the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock

UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little

word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for

tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one

thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is

stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at

night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the

proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized

dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about

thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a

list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time,

but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When

it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out

we say it is clearing UP .

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP ,

so........... Time to shut UP .....!

LOL!!

[cimo]

geee what about a language with 9 pasts 3 futures 2 conditional forms consecutio temporis to be respected and 6 different forms for every person (I you he, etc)  ?? ::)

[lief138]

Now replace UP with the F bomb....

There is a two-letter word that perhaps

has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

.

.

.

[bugfight]

The Tough Coughs As He Ploughs the Dough

http://www.langston.com/Fun_People/1993/1993AEU.html

[audiocommander]

eh... what about french:

"un ver vert dans une verre verte vers minuit"

(a green worm in a green glass around midnight)

...and surely something is spelled wrong 'cause I am not french ;D

I come from Bavaria,

wo die Has'n Hos'n und die Hos'n Hus'n hasn

hehe..

cheers,

Michael

[DrBunsen]

What about Mandarin, where a many-line poem can be composed using only the word shr and different tones?

[nILS]

mmmm mandarine

[stryd_one]

What about Mandarin, where a many-line poem can be composed using only the word shr and different tones?

Shr! (that one means 'yes'. It's spelled with an I, IIRC, but you don't really say it.)

[MRE]

thanks!

Wow, a person can find odd stuff around here sometimes.

Im teaching EngRish in Japan, and this sort of problem with the language is particulary tough for people to wrap their heads around.

Japanese is SO easy by comparison (not that my Nihongo is any good yet...)

[bugfight]

...Japanese is SO easy by comparison ...

akkk, 3 levels of politeness for everything,

i wouldn't live through it...

[stryd_one]

akkk, 3 levels of politeness for everything,

i wouldn't live through it...

LOL :)

Nah I got that one down, early in my education of japanese culture: Smile, Frown, nihon-to. It's not so hard. I think the American version is smile, frown, shoot ;)

_{PS: ha ha, made you google.}

[Goblinz]

LOL :)

Nah I got that one down, early in my education of japanese culture: Smile, Frown, nihon-to. It's not so hard. I think the American version is smile, frown, shoot ;)

_{PS: ha ha, made you google.}

Nah, still holding out with Yahoo, actually!

[SLP]

I come from Bavaria,

wo die Has'n Hos'n und die Hos'n Hus'n hasn

yeah! best language in the world. I remember some article in a newspaper were the name compared the "Oberpfälzer" (certain region in Bavaria) dialect with a dog barking.  ;D

"dou da dada da dadirn und dou da dada dadirn und dou da dada aa dadirn"

http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=MDnByMSXjM4

regards

matthias

[cimo]

... so was that japanese?

[SLP]

... so was that japanese?

LOL  ;D

http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=fZqeVnvnaAk

[nILS]

Oh man.. I seriously hope bavaria will become sovereign soon ;-) Then I can proudly say "no, those are not germans. They're bavarians." Actually I can say that already. Whee!

[SLP]

Oh man.. I seriously hope bavaria will become sovereign soon ;-) Then I can proudly say "no, those are not germans. They're bavarians." Actually I can say that already. Whee!

yeah, but remember: we've got TK  ;D

and AC!...but....well....It wouldn't disturb me if you would remove Franconia from Bavaria  ;D ;D

[stryd_one]

Mmmmm... chocolate bavarian.

[audiocommander]

and AC!...but....well....It wouldn't disturb me if you would remove Franconia from Bavaria ;D

oh yes, me neither, definitely ;D

btw:

what the *$% are chocolate bavarians? Beer Pralinées? :-X Is this an aussie speciality?

[Wilba]

http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/7686/chocolate+bavarian

[stryd_one]

http://images.google.com.au/images?q=chocolate+bavarian

So much goodness.....